Shrimp Caesar Salad

I got my first spray tan yesterday. It was free, so, there was really no question about it other than the daunting orange streaks some women sport afterwards. I am wearing a pure white dress for my commencement ceremony this weekend, though, and the thought of not complimenting that with a little color was enough to get me nude inside of a female robot machine.

My experience was worth documenting. First, I consulted with friends who have done it in the past. I was told to wear something flowy and light for after the spray so it wouldn’t stick to or stain my clothes. Shower before, because you can’t after. And: buy the exfoliating lotion for afterwards so the spray doesn’t streak or look uneven. I walked into the tanning salon, and a lovely girl started asking me questions. Like thirty of them. She asked me for my number, my name, my license, gave me a tanning card for my keychain, asked me to place my finger on a reader so it knew my fingerprint. Do I want the $40 giant bottle of lotion? (She really recommended it) OK how about the $30 bottle? I don’t think we have any cheaper, oh wait how about the two for $30 package deal? (She said I needed it.) Or, we have these $6 packets? Yes? Do you want two for $12? No? Okay. What level of spray do you want: Light, Medium Or Dark. (She suggested dark.) No? Okay Medium. Tinted or clear?

I definitely didn’t need to buy those bottles of lotion; they were huge, and this is a one time thing. I give her credit thought, she really tried. I went with the $6 packet and was fine.

Then I walked down the hall to the Number 6 tanning room. There was a large black machine standing there, a shelve of towels, and a lotion dispenser. The girl then listed off my instructions. Take clothes off, all jewelry, and then rub the $6 packet of clear gel I bought all over my body. Then, the most important thing, 2-3 pumps of the lotion dispenser and rub all over my feet and hands-but don’t let dry, leave a visible layer on top. DO NOT FORGET THIS STEP. Put hairnet in, expose my ears, and step into the speaking robot.

After I stepped into the machine, I placed my finger on the blinking green GO button. The female robot began to speak, and instructed me to place my toes on the number two, and heels on the number four (There was a numbered surface I had to rotate on throughout the tan so the spray could hit all facets of my body.) A vacuum-like noise erupted from her, and a black fan began moving down, blowing my body with a cool, tropical mist. Once the fan reached my feet, it lifted itself up again and began to dry me with warm air. I rotated throughout the process a number of times, forgetting how the girl at the front desk had told me to place my hands, but remembering I had to stand like an Egyptian for the side spray. So I just did that the whole time!

After the spray was complete, I was covered in brown specks, my feet and hands covered in slimy lotion. I went to wipe my feet off and immediately stopped after I saw that it was smudging the color. I put my shirt and LEGGINGS on, because I forgot my gym shorts in the car! ( but the girl said it was fine, it was still set in) and slowly but surely and awkwardly, go into my car.

Today, I am a little orange on my feet and hands but it will fade by Saturday. Other than that, for some dark & mysterious, glowing, fake-sun kissed reason, I feel gorgeous. Maybe not in complete nude, but all dressed; I don’t feel the need to wear as much makeup, and I smell like a tropical paradise smoothie. The long term effects definitely seem more worth it than the dangers of a sunbed, and, looking like a tool in a white dress. And worth it for just $6.

Shrimp Caesar Salad

Editors note: This salad derives from a Cooking Light recipe for a Shrimp, Avocado and Grapefruit Salad. It started off as a simple Grilled Shrimp Caesar Salad but I have no grill and I found half a grapefruit in my fridge. Also, pictures are lacking because I tried making homemaking Caesar salad and I had anchovy gunk all over my fingers. The end result was, however, the bomb-diggity. (To save time and effort, ditch the homemade Caesar dressing and get store-bought: just as good if not better. I just wanted to play with anchovies. Or, try a garlicky-lemon vinaigrette.)

You’ll Need:

Bag of frozen peeled and deveined medium shrimp

1/2 tsp salt

1/4 tsp black pepper

1 garlic clove, minced

1/2 sweet onion

1/2 a lemon

1/2 a grapefruit

6 cups chopped Spring mix lettuce

Cherry tomatoes

1/4 cup parmesan cheese

For the dressing:

2 1/2 tbsp. olive oil

1/4 cup mayonnaise (such as Hellmann’s)

1/2 teaspoon grated lemon rind
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground black pepper
3/4 teaspoon Dijon mustard
1/4 teaspoon Worcestershire sauce
1/4 teaspoon Tabasco sauce
1 oil-packed anchovy fillet, drained and mashed to a paste
Combine first seven ingredients in a pan over medium heat and toss to coat. Squeeze the lemon over shrimp and then let sauté with mixture.
While shrimp is cooking, combine all ingredients for dressing and stir with a fork. Gradually add olive oil and continue stir.
Chop lettuce and cherry tomatoes, add to dressing mixture; toss. When shrimp is done cooking, add to salad.
Grab fork and indulge.

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